New Law Safeguards 50 Million Children From Threats Of Gun Violence By Adding Them To Supreme Court

WASHINGTON—In an effort to prevent further gun deaths among minors, Congress passed a new law Thursday safeguarding 50 million children from threats of gun violence by adding them to the Supreme Court. “This law will do the important work of protecting these kids from those who wish to harm them with guns by putting them on the bench of the U.S. Supreme Court,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), explaining the children would have the same 24/7 Secret Service detail that is offered to all justices, agents who are willing to take a bullet for the youth when they’re at the playground, a public pool, or school. “Now that these children are members of the highest court in the land, they will no longer have to worry about a rogue gunman taking their lives. This law could protect millions of children, as anyone who is found carrying a firearm in their near vicinity will be immediately detained and face criminal charges.” At press time, Pelosi emphasized that the children would be forced to recuse themselves in cases involving gun rights, due to a conflict of interest.