New Abortion Waiting Period Law Requires Women To Spend Night In Creepy Old House On Hill

JACKSON, MS—In an effort to make sure all patients understood the severity of the procedure, Mississippi passed a new waiting period law Thursday requiring all abortion seekers to spend the night in a creepy old house on the hill. “That house, the old Taylor house, that’s where any woman who wants an abortion will have to go to think things over,” said Gov. Tate Reeves, who noted that the dilapidated old mansion had sat empty ever since the entire family who lived there had been found brutally murdered in their beds and covered in blood over 100 years ago. “They say a neighborhood kid snuck in a few years ago on a dare, and he was never quite the same. Killed himself not too long after. Anyone seeking an abortion will have to first slip through the rusted gate and spend the night all by themselves. No phones, no company. And no matter what happens, you can’t leave—or else you’re not getting that abortion.” At press time, Reeves added that if women listened closely, they would be able to hear the sound of a fetal heartbeat coming from beneath the floorboards.