With many claiming their intentions were not even the slightest bit antisemitic, The Onion asked several collectors of Third Reich memorabilia why they spend so much money on Nazi art, uniforms, and items personally owned by Adolf Hitler.
Mark DeSoto, Lawyer
“Okay, so I know it might look bad, but it’s honestly just because I also believe in the idea of a master race.”
Andrew Kane, Lawyer
“Simple: I hate Jews and love tchotchkes.”
Douglas Proctor, Political Consultant
“If you don’t have a cool Nazi collection, you might as well be invisible at the Supreme Court parties.”
Henry Bunk, Investment Banker
“Much better value than KKK memorabilia.”
Derek Madsen, Pilot
“It’s not fair that everyone focuses on their disgusting crimes instead of their cute little tea sets.”
Fred Shipley, Banker
“Trying to get a Night At The Museum–type situation going if you get my drift.”
Miles Ranier, Bartender
“Oftentimes, a bathrobe with a swastika on it will be significantly cheaper than a bathrobe without.”
Dale Weber, Insurance Executive
“The more helmets I acquire, the more Nazis there are running around without adequate head protection.”
Betsy Ashe, Project Manager
“It’s a solemn reminder of what once happened and could happen again if we play our cards right.”
Todd O’Hart, Jeweler
“It’s like how people who collect stamps really hate stamps.”
Leah Hamilton, Librarian
“It matches my living room’s red, white, and black color scheme.”
Frances McFarland, Makeup Artist
“To be fair, I’d collect Allied artifacts too if they had better graphic design.”
Frederick Green, Chef
“I got burned by the Beanie Babies craze, but this seems like a way safer bet.”
Eli Masters, Proud Boy
“I admire the neoclassical design aesthetic, the fusion of the utilitarian and the symbolic, and all the stuff they did with the Holocaust.”
Heather Gill, Stay-At-Home Mom
“With the kids all in school, I’m just trying to stay busy.”
Caleb Mosley, Healthcare Executive
“Buying a Bugatti and a yacht didn’t impress women, so I figured I had to go bigger.”
Carter Higgins, Doctor
“Just because someone owns Nazi memorabilia doesn’t mean they endorse the Nazi’s white supremacist ideology. That just happens to be the case for me.”
Walter Rogers, Dentist
“It’s my daily reminder to commit mass genocide.”
