Nation’s Flag Nerds Anxiously Watching D.C. Statehood Push

WASHINGTON—Following a House of Representatives vote to support statehood for the District of Columbia, sources confirmed Tuesday that the nation’s flag nerds were breathless with anticipation, imagining all the potential configurations of stars and stripes that might result from adding a new state. “For years, students of flag-making such as myself have sketched prototypes for a hypothetical 51-star grid, so right now we’re all on pins and needles thinking we might finally get to see an updated American flag,” said Iowa-based flag dweeb Theodore Dreyfus, adding that the renewed push for D.C. statehood had generated highly contentious debates among the dorks in online vexillology forums over just where on the American flag the prospective 51st star should be placed. “We’re also getting pretty worked up over what a flag for the state of Washington, D.C. might look like. Sure, they could just use the district flag they already have, but there are many other exciting options available to them. They could make a flag that includes their new state seal, a picture of George Washington, or maybe even the year they got their statehood. The mind boggles at the possibilities!” At press time, flag nerds across the country were reportedly engaged in heated exchanges about hoists, cantons, fimbriation, fesses, and five-pointed spur-rowels.