‘Mommy Had To Go To The Hospital Today’ Starts Instagram Chihuahua’s Darkest Post To Date

PHOENIX—Assuring followers that she’d be back to giving kisses and belly rubs in no time, Instagram Chihuahua tootsie_the_derp reportedly started his darkest social media post to date Thursday with the caption “mommy had to go to the hospital today.” “Many of you remember how scared mommy was when I ate a sock and had to go into emergency surgery, but today, I’m the one with my tail between my legs,” said the surprisingly emotional 500-word post, which explained to the bug-eyed, toothless dog’s roughly 12,000 followers that it was a very tough time for the “derp pack,” and any and all prayers, “doggy or human,” would be greatly appreciated. “Five years ago, mommy saved me and my twin brother Tito from a shelter in Paradise Valley, and since then, she’s been booping our noses every night before we go to bed to prevent the nightmare fairy from bringing us bad doggie dreams! But last night, Tito and I had to sleep in her bed alone. Mommy, please come home soon. Daddy’s trying his best, but his homemade banana treats just don’t taste the same as yours!” At press time, tootsie_the_derp had posted a follow-up post explaining that all sales from Tootsie’s new line of collars and doggie sweaters would go towards mommy’s medical expenses.