If you’re unable to leverage your spawn for cash, then frankly, your kid’s probably an uggo. The Onion asked momfluencers how they defend using their children for clicks, and this is what they said.
Naomi Fiorentini
“Until child labor laws are significantly more relaxed, I’d love to hear a better idea for how to extract money from these little shits.”
Erin Verdugo
“I worried at first, but then I realized I don’t like my children very much.”
Ana Mirabal
“It’s a parent’s duty to prepare their children for a lifetime of exploitation by people in positions of power.”
Rhonda Brady
“Sorry, but my weird-looking dog wasn’t getting it done.”
Jessica Senzel
“When they’re older they’ll thank me or completely cut me out of their lives, and either would make a great post.”
Melissa Lawski
“Someone’s got to provide for my daughter. It might as well be her.”
Maria McDonough
“The kids are still young and stupid enough to have no idea what I’m doing.”
Britta Brown
“It’s worth it to know that I’m helping my thousands of followers feel comparatively inadequate.”
Claire Smith
“If my 1-year-old isn’t happy with their working conditions they can talk to me themselves.”
Janice Edwards
“To be fair, I only use the attractive one.”
Colleen Harrell
‘We’re just trying to set an example of how to be a healthy, happy, profitable family.”
Sheila Harkin
“The bond between a mother and her corporate sponsor is sacred.”
Dina Hateem
“I’m tired of being judged. I don’t go around telling other moms how to exploit their children.”
Mel Stadstad
“Who else is going to look at my family photos? Me?”
Linda Krumb
“Children are still small enough to fit on a whole phone screen. Once you become an adult, you’re too big.”
Jillian Fong
“I’m not forcing my kids to do anything, but I’m definitely taking advantage of their undeveloped brains while coercing them.”
Emily Guthrie
“Just because you have children doesn’t mean you have to give up on your awful, vapid dreams.”
Julie Phung
“You think I’d get a sponsorship from TheBump.com on my own merit? I’m boring as fuck.”
