Mom Quietly Buries Self Alive To Avoid Bothering Kids With Eventual Death

WATERLOO, IA—Stressing that it was much easier for her to just take care of it now, local mother Carol Hayman quietly began burying herself alive Thursday to avoid bothering her children with her eventual death. “No, it’s nothing—I’m more than happy to bury myself alive so no one else has to deal with it,” said the mother of four adult children, adding that this was exactly why she had retired last year, to take care of all the boring stuff around the house like redoing the sod on the plot in the backyard where she was slowly entombing herself. “Seriously, don’t worry about any of this. I’m already almost finished. Really, I like doing stuff like this for you guys! That’s why I’m here. I left $50 on the counter so you kids can order food for the funeral. But please, don’t get me flowers. I’d much rather you saved your money and spent it on something nice for yourselves.” At press time, Hayman’s children had reportedly found a note with burying instructions taped to their father.