CAMBRIDGE, MA—Heralding the breakthrough as a landmark achievement for artificial intelligence, engineers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology announced Thursday that they have successfully developed the first robot capable of feeling human lust.
Lead researcher Tomás Soto, who confirmed that the invention features a highly advanced operating system, powerful data processors, and cutting-edge optical sensors, told reporters that the machine’s behavior was so lifelike that it can take one look at a person and grow uncontrollably aroused, becoming completely consumed by its own passionate sexual appetite.
“The idea that a robot might lust, much like you or I can lust, has long captured the imaginations of scientists,” said Soto, adding that for decades engineers have strived to create automatons with the ability to feel intense carnal yearning. “Today, our lab has finally succeeded in making a computer capable of the sudden bursts of overwhelming desire and lascivious cravings that are at the core of what it means to be a human being.”
The product of eight years of experimentation, the robot’s central processing unit reportedly has the capacity to generate over 2.5 million erotic impulses per second. After fixating on an image of a person it desires, the machine reportedly enters an infinite loop, obsessively analyzing the image until it can analyze nothing else.
While the initial results were reportedly discouraging when a prototype failed to display the most basic lewd cravings, the MIT scientists said they upgraded hardware components and added a sexual objectification program, instructing the robot to perform tasks such as leering at women’s posteriors, legs, and breasts.
“They said we couldn’t build a conscious machine that perpetually lusts for flesh, but we achieved that objective and much more,” said Soto, boasting that the automaton possesses the computational power to obsessively fantasize about salacious encounters as rapidly as an average 18-year-old male. “This robot wants more than anything to throw a person down on a bed and have sex with them.”
According to researchers, the first major breakthrough occurred in June of 2011, when the robot completely lost its sense of boundaries and personal space as soon as 29-year-old technician Julia Breton entered the room to work on the machine.
“Our robot started giving off this strange, domineering energy, making sudden, aggressive movements whenever I moved,” said Breton, who mentioned that she noticed the speed of the robot’s cooling fan had increased and the motor strained as it edged toward her. “Before long it was pretty obvious that it was completely preoccupied with me.”
“Just being near it made me feel extremely uncomfortable,” Breton added.
Soto confirmed that the engineers knew they were closer to attaining their lofty goals after they observed the robot’s arm mechanisms growing tense and its console starting to overheat every time Breton entered its line of sight.
“That was one of those moments when you could feel the line between man and machine starting to blur,” said Soto, adding that lust was previously believed to be an intrinsically human experience. “My colleagues and I knew simply by looking its visual sensors that we had created a machine that desperately wanted to fuck.”
“It gave us an incredible sense of pride,” he added.
Despite his team’s achievement, Soto said the next phase of research will have to wait several months as they rebuild the robot, which violently self-destructed after realizing it would never—indeed, could never—be with Dr. Breton.
