After years of losing young consumers to competing doll brands like Bratz and Monster High, Mattel has decided to completely make over Barbie by releasing a new line of dolls that are racially diverse, have the ability to talk, can bend their ankles, and more. Here are some features of the new Barbies:
Comes with blank census form so Barbie can self-identify gender and sexual orientation
Dolls will have the option to be either racially diverse or talk but not both
All speech-enabled dolls programmed with special voice recognition chip that only allows them to speak when spoken to
Biodegradable plastic allows Barbie’s perfect body to naturally succumb to the ravages of age
Realistic dry elbows
Extendable limbs to show that women’s appendages come in all shapes and sizes
Still no Jewish doll until somebody makes a fuss
Blonde, Caucasian models continue to be available for company to make some money
