Mariners’ Staff Tired Of Ichiro Suzuki’s Long Warm-Up Routine Before Using Scanner

SEATTLE—Groaning and rolling their eyes as the front office executive methodically stretched different muscle groups, the Mariners’ staff expressed frustration Wednesday at new coworker Ichiro Suzuki’s long warm-up routine before using the office scanner. “It’s ridiculous. He does all these breathing techniques to improve his concentration before he pulls out his damn documents,” said ticket sales rep Richard Pasch, who claimed he was forced to stand and wait for more than five minutes as Suzuki opened and closed the document cover over and over again. “He does it every time he goes up there, swinging the papers around his head and then jumping up and down, pumping his knees and tapping the email button—how is that supposed to help? I don’t care if he thinks flipping the document over exactly 100 times helps him scan, other people have work to do.” At press time, the coworkers were complaining that Suzuki’s constant stepping out of the boardroom had extended the average meeting time to over four hours.