Man With Deep Sadness Over Never Finding Someone Who Truly Knows Him Labeled ‘The Crazy Uncle’

TEMPE, AZ—Fixating on his rotating series of girlfriends and tendency to drink too much wine during holidays, local family the Bellingers told reporters Wednesday that their deeply sad relative Andrew, who longs to find just one person who truly understands him, was “the crazy uncle.” “Uncle Andy starts drinking and telling these long stories about his solo trips to Vegas and stuff— he’s such a strange guy,” niece Kelsey, 22, said of the man who constantly wonders why he has been condemned to wander the earth in search of someone to share his life with and would give anything for just a few moments of true intimate connection. “He will just talk our ears off asking us about how college is going, talking about how much fun he had when he was in school and how much he misses that time. At the table, he’ll tell a bunch of jokes about bad dates he went on. I love him, but it’s really awkward [and a sad cry for help from a hopeless, lost soul]. What a wild dude.” At press time, Andrew had reportedly cornered his brother at a family party to tell him about his new hobby of collecting antique knives.