Man Who Lost Whole Family Really Commandeering AA Meeting

OCEANSIDE, CA—Fidgeting in his seat as the speaker went on and on, local man Al Bartlett confirmed Tuesday that the person who lost his whole family as a result of his addiction was really commandeering that night’s Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. “Oh, for crying out loud, we don’t need a play-by-play of each time you yelled at your kids in a violent rage,” a visibly disgruntled Bartlett said under his breath, making a point to check his watch in an exaggerated manner, hoping the speaker—who was 40 minutes into an excruciatingly detailed account about the alienation of his wife as a direct result of his alcoholism—would notice the gesture and take the hint to start wrapping things up. “God, what a drama queen. Okay, so in other words, your drinking drove a wedge between you and your children, and now you’re never going to meet your grandchildren—that takes two fucking seconds to say. Christ. You’re not the only one with a substance abuse problem, buddy. Plus, they’re going to need to start setting up for bingo night soon. Oh, come on, he killed someone in a drunk-driving accident? How is anybody supposed to follow that? If you ask me, this guy’s severely addicted to hearing himself talk.” At press time, the meeting attendees thanked the man for tromping all over what they had planned to share when it was their turn.