Man Watching World Cup Thought He Would’ve Seen More Bicycle Kicks By Now

SKOKIE, IL—Confused and disappointed by what he has seen thus far of the 2014 World Cup, local 27-year-old Jared Bowman told reporters Monday that he had expected far more bicycle kicks by this point in the tournament. “I’ve watched a bunch of games, and I don’t think I’ve seen a single player do that thing where they fall backwards and kick the ball over their head and into the goal,” said Bowman, adding that he has seen the feat performed many times on ESPN highlight reels and had just assumed there would be at least three or four bicycle kick attempts during each World Cup match. “The closest they’ve come was when one of the German guys sort of jumped and did a sideways kick at the ball, but that’s about it. Nobody’s even done one of those rainbow kicks. I mean, c’mon, I thought these guys were supposed to be the best soccer players in the world.” At press time, Bowman was wondering why a player who just took a free kick didn’t simply curve the ball around the wall of players and into the top corner of the goal like David Beckham.