APPLETON, WI—Stepping triumphantly forward to take in all things that are his on the glass shelves, local man Merle Shappowitz reportedly threw open the doors of his refrigerator Friday like a feudal lord standing on a balcony overlooking his realm. According to sources, the noble calmly gazed upon his mighty steak leftovers and plentiful collection of half-used condiments as if determining the readiness of his troops. With the abrupt yet judicious ruling of a great king, Shappowitz reportedly banished a spoiled carton of milk to the depths of the trash can like a lowly courtier being sent to his death for treason. At press time, accounts confirmed Shappowitz had retired to his room, delicately carrying a bowl of cold chili like a fair maiden of his kingdom.
Man Throws Open Doors Of Refrigerator Like Feudal Lord Entering Balcony To Gaze Upon Realm
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