Man Sucked Down Obscure Internet Rabbit Hole Of Learning About Down-Ballot Candidates

CHICAGO—Clicking rapidly through links scattered across the darkest corners of the Water Reclamation District website, Chicago resident Daniel Harris told reporters Tuesday he was sucked down an obscure internet rabbit hole learning about down-ballot candidates. “Okay, so I started out researching the big national races, but three hours later, I’m somehow still fucking around on my computer looking up all this weird nonsense about the Illinois Supreme Court,” said Harris, sighing as he described all the time he’d wasted reading through dozens of tabs about ballot measures, term limits of state’s attorney, and a summary of all 62 judges running for retention within Cook County. “I mean, how did I even get here? All I wanted to do was vote, but now I know all this weird stuff about the role of a comptroller and all these random rulings on county-specific court cases. Like, yeah, it’s fun to read and all, but why does it matter if a judge is flagged by ‘Injustice Watch’? Where am I ever going to use that?” At press time, Harris told reporters that all of this obscure political knowledge was especially useless because he never planned to vote outside of the presidential race.