Man Most Creative, Original Self At Make-Your-Own Sundae Station

PITTSBURGH, PA—Demonstrating a sweeping inventiveness that he could not match in any other activity, local man Isaiah Moore was reportedly at his most creative, original self Tuesday while at the make-your-own sundae station. “I was debating between caramel and melted marshmallow when I was struck with the inspiration that I didn’t have to choose,” said Moore of what sources confirmed was the only expression of his true inner being and capacity for innovative thinking he had manifested in months. “First I got cherries, but then I drizzled some cherry juice on there as well. What can I say? I love cherry. Somehow my brain is able to just focus in and everything clicks into place when I see those rainbow sprinkles and crushed Oreos. But it wasn’t until I asked for the extra whipped cream that I realized what an amazing run of visionary self-expression I just had.” At press time, the humiliated man was struggling to think of a single way to begin to clean up the ice cream sundae he had just dropped on the sidewalk.