Get The Paper. Become A Member.

Saturday, September 7, 2024

party cloudy and rainy weather icon 74°

Just look it up online

America’s Finest News Source

Saturday, September 7, 2024

party cloudy and rainy weather icon 74°

Just look it up online

Official The Onion merchandise that can be found in The Onion store.

Shop The Online Store.

Looking Back On The Worst 365 Days Of Donald Trump's Presidency

Published:

Trump Calms Nerves Before Inaugural Address By Reminding Himself He’s The Only Person Who Actually Exists
Trump Calms Nerves Before Inaugural Address By Reminding Himself He’s The Only Person Who Actually Exists
Trump Deploys National Guard To Press Conference For Standing Ovation
Trump Deploys National Guard To Press Conference For Standing Ovation
Trump Claims Waterboarding Doesn’t Come Close To The Excruciating Torment He Experiences At Every Moment
Trump Claims Waterboarding Doesn’t Come Close To The Excruciating Torment He Experiences At Every Moment
Trump Insists That Now, More Than Ever, Americans Must Stand Strong In Face Of Empathy
Trump Insists That Now, More Than Ever, Americans Must Stand Strong In Face Of Empathy
Secret Service Adds Emotional Protection Division To Safeguard Trump’s Psyche
Secret Service Adds Emotional Protection Division To Safeguard Trump’s Psyche
Officials Struggling To Condense Trump’s Intelligence Briefing Down To One Word
Officials Struggling To Condense Trump’s Intelligence Briefing Down To One Word
Aides Wrestle Drill From Trump’s Hands As He Tries To Remove Obama Listening Device From Skull
Aides Wrestle Drill From Trump’s Hands As He Tries To Remove Obama Listening Device From Skull
Trump Unveils Sprawling New Presidential Retreat Where He Can Escape From Stresses Of Mar-A-Lago
Trump Unveils Sprawling New Presidential Retreat Where He Can Escape From Stresses Of Mar-A-Lago
Trump Assures Nation That Decision For Syrian Airstrikes Came After Carefully Considering All His Passing Whims
Trump Assures Nation That Decision For Syrian Airstrikes Came After Carefully Considering All His Passing Whims
Trump Spends 10 Minutes Mistakenly Addressing Steve Bannon’s Freshly Shed Exoskeleton
Trump Spends 10 Minutes Mistakenly Addressing Steve Bannon’s Freshly Shed Exoskeleton
Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs
Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs
Crowd Shocked After Unhinged Trump Dangles Baby From Truman Balcony
Crowd Shocked After Unhinged Trump Dangles Baby From Truman Balcony
Trump Trying To Figure Out How To Unsubscribe From Boring National Security Email List
Trump Trying To Figure Out How To Unsubscribe From Boring National Security Email List
Trump Pours Milk Over Bowl Of Skittles While Settling In To Watch Comey Hearing
Trump Pours Milk Over Bowl Of Skittles While Settling In To Watch Comey Hearing
Leftover Bugles Still Stuck To Trump’s Fingers During Bill Signing
Leftover Bugles Still Stuck To Trump’s Fingers During Bill Signing
Trump: ‘There Is Hatred On Both Sides Of My Heart’
Trump: ‘There Is Hatred On Both Sides Of My Heart’
Trump Warns Removing Confederate Statues Could Be Slippery Slope To Eliminating Racism Entirely
Trump Warns Removing Confederate Statues Could Be Slippery Slope To Eliminating Racism Entirely
Panicked John Kelly Ushers Half-Naked Trump Away From Podium As President Shouts Support For Eugenics
Panicked John Kelly Ushers Half-Naked Trump Away From Podium As President Shouts Support For Eugenics
John Kelly Hoses Layer Of Crumbs Off President Before Speech On Troop Deployment
John Kelly Hoses Layer Of Crumbs Off President Before Speech On Troop Deployment
Trump: ‘We Will Fight In Afghanistan Until Victorious, Or I Change My Mind, Get Distracted, Look Bad, Or Get Bored’
Trump: ‘We Will Fight In Afghanistan Until Victorious, Or I Change My Mind, Get Distracted, Look Bad, Or Get Bored’
Trump Pours Himself Glass Of Chocolate Syrup On Rocks To Unwind After Stressful Day
Trump Pours Himself Glass Of Chocolate Syrup On Rocks To Unwind After Stressful Day
Trump Fulfills Campaign Promise Of Pushing Major Immigration Decision On Someone Else So He Can Watch TV
Trump Fulfills Campaign Promise Of Pushing Major Immigration Decision On Someone Else So He Can Watch TV
Aides Clip Toenails, Wash Hair Of Mumbling, Bedsore-Ridden Trump As President Enters 155th Straight Hour Of Watching Cable News
Aides Clip Toenails, Wash Hair Of Mumbling, Bedsore-Ridden Trump As President Enters 155th Straight Hour Of Watching Cable News
Aides Concerned Trump’s Mental Health Declining After President Admits He May Not Be Omnipotent Living God
Aides Concerned Trump’s Mental Health Declining After President Admits He May Not Be Omnipotent Living God
Trump Comforts Grieving War Widow By Assuring Her He Will Never Die
Trump Comforts Grieving War Widow By Assuring Her He Will Never Die
Nude Aides Huddled Around Trump Assure Him No One Wearing Wire
Nude Aides Huddled Around Trump Assure Him No One Wearing Wire
Trump Privately Terrified His Sexual Assault Victims Will Someday Come Forward
Trump Privately Terrified His Sexual Assault Victims Will Someday Come Forward
‘Sometimes It Feels Like You’re The Only One Who Understands Me,’ Whispers Trump To White House Roach Infestation
‘Sometimes It Feels Like You’re The Only One Who Understands Me,’ Whispers Trump To White House Roach Infestation
Trump Vehemently Denies Using Word ‘People’ To Describe African Immigrants
Trump Vehemently Denies Using Word ‘People’ To Describe African Immigrants
Follow-Up Tests Confirm President Trump’s 19 Other Personalities Also Perfectly Healthy
Follow-Up Tests Confirm President Trump’s 19 Other Personalities Also Perfectly Healthy

Print Is Back. Get The Paper. Become A Member.

Advertising

Explore Tags

Related Coverage

Read More

Sample front page of The Onion's DNC paper

Send Us Money Until the Throbbing Subsides

Get an inside look into the most respected news-gathering operation to ever exist. Keep the Onion Free For All.

Become a Member. Get the Paper.

The More You Pay, The Better The News