‘Look, We’re Matching!’ Cry All 330 Million Americans, Pointing To Leopard Print Sweaters

NEW YORK—Screaming as they pointed at each other’s sweaters and then pointed down at their own, 330 million Americans cried, “Look, we’re matching!” upon realizing they were all wearing leopard print, sources confirmed Monday. “Oh my gosh, same sweater,” said local woman Dina Morris, 43, who was reportedly as surprised as every other U.S. resident when she stopped on a crowded midtown sidewalk and noticed that hundreds of people around her also wore leopard-patterned knits, all of them squealing with glee and swearing they didn’t plan this. “Every single one of us, really? This is too funny. What are the chances? You know, I almost didn’t wear mine. I swear! You all must be spying on me! Come on, we have to get a photo with everyone [in the United States].” The nation went on to agree this was the craziest thing that had happened since that one day last spring when all 330 million Americans showed up in bedazzled cowboy boots.