Local Extension Cord Blasted For Failing To Reach Outlet

STILSON, GA—A local extension cord came under fire Monday when the four-foot length of electrical wiring failed to stretch from the end of area man Dwight Seidl’s television cord to a nearby wall outlet. “The sole function I required of this incompetent [extension cord] was to provide a connection between my TV power adaptor and the AC current in that outlet. Sadly, it was completely unable to perform even this simple task,” Seidl, who purchased the orange Black & Decker multi-socket extension cord that afternoon, told members of the media during a heated press conference. “I stand by my earlier claims that the cord is a son of a bitch bastard piece of shit.” The extension cord’s misstep has reportedly taken some heat off a much-maligned one-inch piece of Scotch tape, which Seidl has twice blasted for failing to hold up his wall calendar.