Literary Critics Praise Unpublished Salinger Novels As Good, But Not ‘Go Out And Shoot A Celebrity’ Good

HANOVER, NH—Touting the manuscripts as close to the author’s best work, literary critics at Dartmouth College hailed several unpublished J.D. Salinger novels Wednesday as good, but not “go out and shoot a celebrity” good. “Don’t get us wrong, there’s the same wry prose and pitch-perfect characterization of uniquely American individuals that made Salinger into a household name, but if we’re being totally honest, nobody’s going to go out and blow someone’s brain out over these,” said professor Sheila Heidt, noting that the as-yet-unseen works were a “B, maybe a B+” that likely wouldn’t inspire psychotic individuals to do more than hit a celebrity a few times with a tire iron. “Unfortunately, would-be assassins will likely find that the novel’s tendency towards the maudlin and a muddled narrative fail to evoke the passion required to take down a singer or presidential candidate.” Heidt added that among the manuscripts was a sequel to Franny And Zooey so bad it could cause people to perform life-saving surgery on someone famous.