Old front pages of The Onion newspaper

Get The Paper. Become A Member.


Saturday, September 14, 2024

party cloudy and rainy weather icon 74°

Just look it up online

The Onion

America’s Finest News Source


  • News
  • Local
  • Politics
  • Entertainment
  • Sports
  • Opinion
    • Search
    • The Latest
    • Video
    • Horoscopes
    • The Onion Store
  • News
  • Local
  • Politics
  • Entertainment
  • Sports
  • Opinion
    • Search
    • The Latest
    • Video
    • Horoscopes
    • The Onion Store

Saturday, September 14, 2024

party cloudy and rainy weather icon 74°

Just look it up online

Become A Member
  • The Latest
  • News
  • Local
  • Politics
  • Entertainment
  • Sports
  • Opinion
  • Video
  • Search
  • Horoscopes
  • About Us
  • The Onion Store
    • Instagram
    • Twitter
    • Facebook
    • YouTube
    • TikTok
    • Bluesky
Official The Onion merchandise that can be found in The Onion store.

Shop The Online Store.


  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • YouTube
  • TikTok
  • Bluesky

Share

  • Share on Facebook
  • Share on X
  • Share on LinkedIn
  • Share on SMS
  • Email this Page

Magazine

‘Literally No One Calls Me That Or Has Ever Called Me That’: Our Interview With Ol’ Musky

Share

  • Share on Facebook
  • Share on X
  • Share on LinkedIn
  • Share on SMS
  • Email this Page

Published:

June 23, 2017

Explore The Magazine

  • Our Devices: They’re Listening, Sure, But Do They Really Get Us?

    Our Devices: They’re Listening, Sure, But Do They Really Get Us?

  • Chappell Roan: We Hid In The Alley Behind Her Hotel, Knocked Out A Concierge On His Smoke Break, Stole His Uniform, Used It To Sneak Into The Kitchen, And Hid Inside Her Room Service Trolley, And She Was A Complete, Ungrateful Bitch About It

    Chappell Roan: We Hid In The Alley Behind Her Hotel, Knocked Out A Concierge On His Smoke Break, Stole His Uniform, Used It To Sneak Into The Kitchen, And Hid Inside Her Room Service Trolley, And She Was A Complete, Ungrateful Bitch About It

  • Acts Of Profound And Unspeakable Evil Get A Bad Rap: Do They Really Deserve It?

    Acts Of Profound And Unspeakable Evil Get A Bad Rap: Do They Really Deserve It?

  • The Rise Of The Ethereal Specter Dad: Why More Fathers Are Choosing To Pass On And Watch Over Their Families From A Higher Astral Plane

    The Rise Of The Ethereal Specter Dad: Why More Fathers Are Choosing To Pass On And Watch Over Their Families From A Higher Astral Plane

  • Why Gen Z Is Obsessed With This Enchanting Woodwind Tune That Lures Them Into The Woods In The Dark Of Night

    Why Gen Z Is Obsessed With This Enchanting Woodwind Tune That Lures Them Into The Woods In The Dark Of Night

  • He’s No Brad Pitt: Brad Pitt At 60

    He’s No Brad Pitt: Brad Pitt At 60

  • Could The Couch Kill The Chair Industry?

    Could The Couch Kill The Chair Industry?

  • A Car Unlike Any You’ve Seen Before

    A Car Unlike Any You’ve Seen Before


Explore Tags

Vol 53: Issue 24

Read More

  • Black Enrollment At Harvard Drops After Affirmative Action Barred

    Black Enrollment At Harvard Drops After Affirmative Action Barred

  • Moscow Expels 6 British Diplomats Who Would Not Shut Up About ‘Doctor Who’

    Moscow Expels 6 British Diplomats Who Would Not Shut Up About ‘Doctor Who’

  • Ohioan Disturbed By Reports Of Haitians Eating Vegetables

    Ohioan Disturbed By Reports Of Haitians Eating Vegetables

  • Food Dye Used In Doritos Makes Mice’s Skin Transparent

    Food Dye Used In Doritos Makes Mice’s Skin Transparent


Your Horoscope — Today’s Birthday

  • Virgo

    (August 23 to September 22):

    Introduce yourself to your neighbors this week. You’ll need them for your alibi.

    Read Your Horoscope

Subscribe for all the latest Headlines

"*" indicates required fields


Please review our Privacy Policy for detailed information on how we handle your newsletter data.

Sections

  • The Latest
  • News
  • Local
  • Politics
  • Entertainment
  • Sports
  • Opinion
  • Video

Explore

  • Search
  • About Us
  • Become a Member
  • The Onion Store
  • Front Page Archive
  • Jobs

© 2024

The Onion

Privacy Policy

Cookie Policy

Terms of Use

  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • YouTube
  • TikTok
  • Bluesky