Leaf Ruined After Being Left Out In Rain

CATASAUQUA, PA—Expressing regret that he hadn’t taken better care of the prized possession, foliage enthusiast Andrew Gerard confirmed Tuesday that his maple leaf was completely ruined after being left out in the rain. “Christ, it’s all soggy and falling apart now,” said Gerard, who used a hair dryer in a failed effort to save the waterlogged leaf. “I should have brought that inside right away or at least covered it with a tarp. What a waste, that thing was in perfect condition. Ugh, the same damn thing happened when I left out our brand-new dirt.” At press time, Gerard was desperately rummaging through the woods to find a replacement leaf before his kids came back from camp.