With flooding, extreme heat waves, and hot oceans currently ravaging the earth, climate change is only projected to worsen. The Onion asked children how they felt about global warming, and this is what they said.
Rosie Urteaga, 9
“I assume that adults have done everything in their power to minimize this.”
Keira Teems, 11
“My dad says we’re not one of the races that needs to worry about that.”
Manish Kumar, 10
“At least I got a decade of sunlight before we’re all forced into dark subterranean dwellings miles beneath the Earth’s crust.”
Charlie Bass, 8
[Asthmatic wheezing]
Brooks Rubbelke, 7
“Hey, you gotta die of somethin’.”
Isaac Delgado, 8
“I’m already eating bugs, so I’m one step ahead of everybody.”
Catherine Garza, 6
“Climate change has inspired me to become either an ecoterrorist or an oil executive.”
Isaiah Leeds, 8
“Mommy said if it’s bad enough I get to swim to school.”
Erin Weinberg, 11
“I’m sort of banking on a shooter taking me out before the climate does.”
Brian Dixon, 16
“Can you buy me some beer?”
Gavin Dorman, 10
“Honestly, it’s fine. I have a feeling I wasn’t going to do much with my life anyway.”
Louie Quint, 3
“Hopefully my parents brainwash me enough that I won’t believe in it.”
Mary Henderson, 6
“Is Bluey going to be a climate refugee like me?”
Stacy Patel, 8
“If I work hard enough in school, hopefully I can become Warlord of the Eastern Blight, Where Water Never Flows.”
Sam Gaterol, 14
“You can lose sleep thinking about the world we will inherit, but luckily working a double at the meat-packing plant makes me bone tired.”
Bo Martin, 7
“The most important thing to me right now is whether I can go to Jackson’s birthday party or not.”
Katy Neuheimer, 7
“So are we getting a pool or what?”
