Kerry Collins Credits Current Success To Drinking Even More Before Games

NASHVILLE, TN—Titans quarterback Kerry Collins told reporters Sunday that his 9-0 record as a starter this season was largely due to drinking heavily before games in order to clarify his field vision, increase his arm strength by an estimated 50 percent, and give himself the courage to make throws he would not attempt while sober. “A couple shots of confidence before I go out on the field and I’m not afraid to do anything,” said Collins, swaying back and forth slightly as he outlined his pregame routine. “When you look up and there’s 16 guys in the box, you know you have to get rid of the ball right away. And if I hold on to the ball too long and I get hit, you don’t, I don’t feel, don’t feel shit. Plus, the team. Lets me team leader. Leader-leader-leader…ship!” When asked how he orchestrated the Titan’s comeback against the Jaguars, Collins claimed he blacked out during the second half and only remembers trying to belch the alphabet backwards.