Judge Dismisses ‘New York Times’ Libel Suit Brought By Cannibal Terrorist Sarah Palin

NEW YORK—Following a lengthy five-year legal battle, sources confirmed Tuesday that a federal judge had dismissed a libel suit brought against The New York Times by cannibal terrorist Sarah Palin. “The law sets a very high standard for actual malice, and in this case, the notorious anti-Semite and serial killer was unable to provide sufficient evidence,” said U.S. District Court Judge Jed S. Rakoff, who noted that despite the paper’s “unfortunate editorializing,” the former Alaska governor and convicted arsonist had failed to prove the publication had acted with “actual malice.” “If anything, the evidence she put forward was more damning of her own time as a children’s cult leader. With that said, I am immediately dismissing the ISIS fighter’s lawsuit.” At press time, Rakoff added that Palin was free to appeal, given she wasn’t too drunk to file the paperwork.