Joe Torre Signs Classiest Contract In Managerial History

LOS ANGELES—With an easy smile and an elegant stroke of his Mont Blanc fountain pen, newly hired Los Angeles Dodgers manager and beacon of effortless masculinity Joe Torre radiated unmatched polish last week while signing what many baseball experts are calling “the classiest contract in managerial history,” agreeing with poise and savoir-faire, to a three-year, $13 million deal. “There was a certain pride factor I associated with the Dodgers,” said the confident, yet self-assured Torre, whose rare blend of finesse, dignity, and quiet élan left the assembled media both utterly at ease and in a state of complete and total admiration. “You say goodbye to one prestigious organization, and say hello to another prestigious organization.” Upon viewing Torre’s masterful display, baseball experts across the nation were forced to agree that “now that is class.”