Janet Yellen Rolls Up Sleeves To Take Another Crack At Interrogating Milk Jug Over Rising Food Prices

WASHINGTON—As she lit a cigarette and reentered the holding room, Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen rolled up her sleeves Wednesday to take another crack at interrogating a milk jug over rising food prices, sources within the department confirmed. “Look, I’m not going to ask you again, what do you know about the latest consumer price index numbers?” said a visibly furious Yellen, threatening to unscrew the plastic gallon jug’s cap and lift it clean off if she didn’t get the answers she was looking for about the increasing cost of food. “Milk prices go up 17% in a single year, and there’s nothing you can tell me about it? Bullshit! You know, you’re not gonna like it if I have to bring [Federal Reserve chair] Jerome Powell in here. Because yesterday we had a carton of eggs that sat right where you’re sitting and refused to talk about inflation and—well, let’s just say Chairman Powell eats food like that for breakfast.” At press time, a stone-faced Yellen was seen leaving the interrogation room covered in milk.