‘It’s Good To Practice Some Self Care,’ Says Man Kicking Back And Letting Last Chance At Happiness And Success Slip Away

PORTLAND, OR—Frittering away his last possible chance at happiness and success, area man Graham Aniston told reporters Monday that “it’s good to practice some self care” while kicking back. “Sometimes, when you’re really burned out, the best thing you can do is take some time off and just relax,” said Aniston, inadvertently sacrificing his final shot at fulfilling his life’s dreams and, in turn, any chance he had to find true contentment and self actualization. “It’s good to know when to hit pause [and completely miss your last opportunity to lead a meaningful, satisfying existence]. You gotta take a break at some point, after all [and resign yourself to a life of dreary mediocrity that will ultimately leave you feeling hollow and regretful while your peers all excel beyond their wildest imaginations].” At press time, Aniston turned off his phone to unplug for a while, causing him to miss a call that would’ve forever altered the course of his life by putting him on a path towards achieving his destiny.