Iranian Team Openly Working On Bomb In Negotiating Room

VIENNA—Asserting the Middle Eastern nation’s right to a safe, peaceful energy program, members of the Iranian diplomatic team attempted to seek more favorable terms of a deal with the P5+1 global powers while openly assembling a nuclear weapon in the negotiating room, sources confirmed Monday. “Iran will not agree to any international accord without a total and immediate lifting of Western sanctions,” said Iranian foreign minister Mohammad Javad Zarif to representatives from China, Russia, and the United States while inserting a U-238 tamper sphere into a thermonuclear weapon on the floor of Coburg Palace. “It is crucial to the success of these discussions and any potential long-term framework that world leaders respect Iran’s independence on these matters.” At press time, Zarif reportedly expressed a willingness to extend the agreement deadline until July 1, 2015 as he soldered an implosion device onto the side of the bomb’s shell.