You could be insane, but more than likely, you’re just a normal person dealing with some insane people problems. Here are intrusive thoughts that are actually very common.
“Everyone hates me.”
A thought as common as it is inaccurate. The world doesn’t hate you, just the people who know you do.
“What am I even doing here?”
This is a very common thought to have among people who suddenly wake up tied to a chair in a darkened room with water being thrown on their face.
“I want to kill someone.”
This violent thought will blow over in time as it becomes pathetically obvious that you don’t have the guts to follow through.
“This is not reality, but a four-dimensional hologram created by the intersection of two overlapping meta-universes which may in fact be what we think of as Heaven and Hell.”
Whoa. Tell us more.
“You forgot the salami.”
You never forget the salami. Relax.
“This plane is going to fall out of the sky.”
Don’t worry, you’re not the only one whose thoughts have caused a plane to fall right out of the sky and split into smithereens.
“I have to go to the bathroom”
This near-universal intrusive thought occurs every time the body has a biological urge to eliminate waste.
“This chest pain is probably a heart attack.”
Statistically speaking, the discomfort you’re feeling is more likely due to the gunshot wound that you just sustained.
“I would rather be having an orgasm than doing whatever activity I am doing now.”
Most people begin having this intrusive thought around age 13 and continue having it more or less nonstop through age 75.
“Boop-bop bah-doop, deep-bop bodaaaah.”
Zim-zazz bidda hup nah!
“I must act fast because these savings won’t last long.”
It’s easy to become preoccupied with Chevrolet’s Unbeatable Once In A Lifetime Holiday Blowout and to feel recurring remorse for missing out on deals that only roll around once a year.
“My boss looks so tasty.”
While it may seem inappropriate, it’s quite normal to have fantasies about your boss, imagining what it would be like to roast their body over an open fire, and taking a big bite of their crispy flesh every now and then.
“I should kidnap Queen Elizabeth II so that I have somebody to watch college football with.”
It’s clear you’ll never do it, largely cause getting her on a plane back to America seems such a hassle.
“Cathy Loomis would never go to prom with a loser like me.”
Talk to anyone long enough, and you’ll find that they too are occasionally reminded that the hottest girl in school would want nothing to do with some nobody who doesn’t even have a car.
“2016’s ‘A Moon Shaped Pool’ is the latest and likely last Radiohead studio album.”
Just because deluxe anniversary reissues are en vogue and the individual members have found success and fulfillment in outside projects doesn’t mean they won’t feel the siren call of the studio once more.
“Gene Hackman needs to come out of retirement for one last great role, so
Meditative techniques can help with this.
“Al Pacino would have made a great Han Solo.”
Many people find this thought breaking up their workflow at least seven times per day.
“Time to read a slideshow on
While this is a scary thought, sometimes the best way to get it out of your brain is to simply follow through with it.
“I deserve better.”
You might find yourself dwelling on the fanciful notion that you deserve more than the shitty hand you were dealt. Fortunately, this delusional thought passes, and you’ll soon be back to accepting your bitter lot in life.
“I should tell my family I love them.”
No, come on. Don’t be ridiculous.
