Inspiring: Thousands Of Gamers Have Pitched In To Rescue Consoles Abandoned In The Wake Of Hurricane Dorian

Prepare to have your heart warmed. In the wake of the devastation of Hurricane Dorian, thousands of gamers have pitched in to rescue abandoned consoles and find them homes where they can get the love and attention they need.

If you thought most gamers didn’t have hearts, think again!

“When I first saw those photos of waterlogged PS4s out on the storm-ravaged streets, I knew that I had to help in any way I could,” said Boston resident Stefan Hanson, one of hundreds of video gamers who banded together and traveled down to North Carolina, Georgia, and Florida with blankets to rescue any Nintendo, Sony, or Microsoft consoles that had lost their homes to the hurricane. “Sure, some of their optical disc drives got scratched up in the storm and a few of the GameCubes are missing their handles, but it’s just awful to imagine these consoles out there in the cold without a nice spot under someone’s TV. All these poor things need is a living room outlet to plug into and a warm hand to hold their controller.”

“Honestly, I just don’t know what kind of heartless person would abandon an 18-year-old Dreamcast in the middle of a hurricane,” he added.

As donations of millions of dollars pour in from concerned hardcore gamers, relief groups have even sent motorboats to the Bahamas and U.S. Virgin Islands to tour the streets and search for any stray consoles that might have been left behind by their owners. Given how overwhelmed local GameStops have started turning away sheltering most of these consoles, you’ve got to give it up for anyone willing to open their home and help rehabilitate them back into multiplayer-capable shape.

So, here’s to the selfless gamers making sure no console goes without the attention it needs because of this horrible storm! These folks are proving to the gaming community that real heroes still exist.




Sample front page of The Onion's DNC paper