Insecure Package Can’t Believe Delivery Guy Shared Photo Where It Looks Like Shit

BRIGHTON, ME—Lamenting that the single blurry image managed to highlight all of its worst characteristics, an insecure Amazon Prime package confirmed Tuesday that it couldn’t believe the delivery guy shared a photo where it looked like complete shit. “God, he didn’t give me any chance to get ready after he threw me over the fence—plus, the harsh lighting makes me look especially fucking terrible,” said the anxious package, stressing that its self-image had already hit rock bottom due to the days of travel that left its cardboard worn out and misshapen. “I’m not one of those Lululemon boxes that’s obsessed with constantly looking sexy. All I’m asking is that this guy maybe takes a few extra pictures before he sends the photo off to some total stranger who’s just going to judge me for how awful I look. Goddamnit, this sucks.” The Amazon box added that its self-esteem was also absolutely shot because it knew that deep down it only contained some Metamucil and a pack of ballpoint pens.