Insane Man Makes It Through Another Day Without Anyone Catching On

TACOMA, WA—Sighing with relief as he arrived home to his empty apartment, local insane man Mitchell Forrester confirmed Friday that he had made it through another day without anyone catching on. “I spent all day alternating between muttering to myself and bursting into loud fits of nervous laughter, and somehow no one’s the wiser—maybe it helped that they were wearing headphones?” said Forrester, who stated that he was “honestly astonished” that not a single one of his coworkers, friends, family members, or even any of the passersby on the street seemed to register or react to his full descent into madness. “I keep thinking today’s the day someone notices, today’s the day I’m institutionalized, but nope. I shit myself at my desk at 2:30 and pulled out a tooth, and none of my coworkers even looked up. I just keep flying under the radar somehow. I guess it’s really true that people are too busy worrying about themselves to notice the blood running from your mouth.” At press time, Forrester was punching himself in the head while his girlfriend asked how his day was.