Incompetent Film Director Totally Obscures Face Of Person Committing Murder

NORTHBROOK, IL—Frustrated by the obvious lack of cinematic skill, viewers of the film The Darkest Kiss were reportedly disappointed Wednesday that the director’s incompetence had led him to completely obscure the face of the person committing the murder. “We get to this pivotal scene, but the camera is placed behind the culprit, making it completely impossible to tell who it is,” said movie watcher Nick Mustafus, adding that the oblique, poorly lit scene suggested a director so thoroughly out of his element that he was butchering the story entirely. “There’s plenty of blame to go around, really, since the sound designer pitched the audio so low that the murderer’s voice is barely more than a guttural whisper, and the screenwriter has the victim just shout out the vague phrase ‘It’s you’ instead of being specific about who is strangling her.” At press time, sources confirmed Mustafus had turned off his television in disgust after the film blatantly repeated itself by having another character get murdered.