Inarticulate Nolan Ryan Delivers What Players Think Might Have Been Inspirational Speech

SAN FRANCISCO—Legendary Rangers pitcher, team president, and mush-mouth Nolan Ryan delivered an indecipherable and presumably stirring speech in the team’s clubhouse before Game 2 of the World Series Thursday, puzzled but tentatively inspired players later confirmed. “Just to have him there was a rush, but to have him look us all in the eyes and say ’Hyeah gotta wont thissen y’all goan shackum weerpo hurrah, goan an’ dunnit husslinrusslin t’ nagget chossle shummah’ is something I’ll never forget,” said outfielder Josh Hamilton, adding that the hair on the back of his neck stood up and his forehead wrinkled during Ryan’s five-minute talk. “Then, when everyone was just completely silent in awe and confusion, he walked to the door, turned, and repeated, ’Nagget. Chossle. Shummah.’ I was just stunned.” In Ryan’s honor, the Rangers have adopted an unintelligible series of slurred vowels and sibilant fricatives as their unofficial World Series motto.