‘I Was, Uh, Getting Groceries,’ Lies Girlfriend Covering Up Fourth Craft Store Visit This Week

EUGENE, OR—Leaving her bags of fabric and buttons in the trunk of her car until later to avoid raising suspicion, local hobbyist Karen Berger lied outright to her boyfriend Wednesday by telling him she had been getting groceries in order to cover up her fourth visit to the craft store this week. “Sorry I was gone for so long, but there was a lot of traffic on the way back from the supermarket, which is where I was,” said the profusely sweating Berger, hoping that her nervous perspiration would cover the distinctive lingering odor of decoupage glue as she haltingly explained that she hadn’t brought back anything to eat because she hadn’t seen anything that looked good. “How should I know why we’re getting all these Michael’s coupons in the mail? Do you have something you’d like to say to me? Jesus, I try to go out and get something for us to eat, and all of a sudden I’m being interrogated.” Berger later told her boyfriend that she had “no idea” how nine skeins of multicolored yarn came to be packed in airtight plastic bags and hidden in their toilet tank.