Step 1
Go online to find out where you forgot to register to vote
Step 2:
Double-check to ensure you aren’t currently serving a prison term
Step 3:
Make sure not to eat or drink anything 24 hours before voting
Step 4:
Clipboard-holding supporter outside polling location asks if you have a moment to learn even one thing about a non-presidential candidate
Step 5:
Business class allowed to vote first
Step 6:
Those whose shift starts in 20 minutes leave polling line and hope election goes their way
Step 7:
Poll worker assures annoyed voter that ID registration mix-up should just take a couple of lawsuits to fix
Step 8:
Cast a few practice ballots
Step 9:
Go on mad, whirlwind box-marking tear through circuit court races section of ballot
Step 10:
House band plays voter out of the booth
Step 11:
Insert ballot into machine, with additional option to insert $10 bill for chance at doubling your vote
Step 12:
Ballot box digests ballot
Step 13:
“I Voted” filter or some shit like that added to Facebook profile picture
Step 14:
Ballots haphazardly piled into pickup truck bed for transport down windy highway
Step 15:
All ballots cast by elderly voters immediately discarded and replaced with best guesses at what they were more or less going for
Step 16:
Official ballot counter sighs, manually inputs write-in submission “King Faggot” into vote-tabulating system
Step 17:
Someone you don’t like declared winner
