The Tokyo Olympics feature four new sports, including skateboarding, surfing, and karate, all chosen after a long and contentious process. The Onion provides a step-by-step guide to how new Olympic sports are chosen.
STEP 1: Olympic Committee decides to do another Olympics.
STEP 2: IOC determines if anyone can figure out what to do with weird ball they have.
STEP 3: Stuff involving elephants immediately eliminated.
STEP 4: Viewers polled to determine which proposed sports they’d consider putting on in background until show they want to watch comes on.
STEP 5: Ancient texts under Parthenon checked to see if “skateboard” or “break dancing” are mentioned.
STEP 6: Olympic Committee opens formal bribe period two to three years before Games.
STEP 7: IOC members play the activity to see if it’s fun.
STEP 8: Athletes in sport evaluated for emotional appeal in mock medal ceremony.
STEP 9: Sport on cusp of approval retried in swimming pool to see if that gets it over the top.
STEP 10: Squash gets fucked over, again.
