Despite spending millions to sponsor the FIFA World Cup and its recent “Share A Coke” campaign, beverage maker Coca-Cola has reported weak sales during the first half of the year. Here are some options the multi-billion-dollar company is considering to improve sales and win back its customers:
Plastic and aluminum containers to be replaced by more environmentally friendly burlap cans
Introducing no-fizz version to target flat-cola drinkers
Expanding Coca-Cola distribution beyond four U.S. states where it is currently sold
Including free can of Coke inside every two-liter bottle of Coca-Cola
Reducing chunky Cola pulp by 50 percent
Growing sales of product by no longer telling consumers to share a Coke, but instead, to buy one of their own
Rebranding product as something you can pour on your body when you don’t feel sticky enough
Removing note on the side of the can that says “Shake Well”
Venturing beyond beverage market with new solid cola that’s eaten with a knife and fork
Being fucking happy that billions of dollars in profits are still being made
