Ben Roethlisberger is returning to football after an NFL-imposed four-game ban. Here’s how he spent his time off:
Court-ordered “wistful staring” three times a day
Visited the Sunrise Retirement Center, where he put in some charity work and occasionally fingered one of the nurses
Learned to throw left-handed
Worked with NFL-appointed sensitivity coach Judith Barnes; Roethlisberger practiced, for only an hour at first, and eventually for four hours, not raping her
Finally had time to read À la recherche du temps perdu
Every Friday, headed down to Dime Bar, the only place in town where he can expose himself and get kicked out in peace
Stopped by the farmers market every morning to laugh at the gourds
Pretty much slept, really
