In spite of your complaints about how undignified it was and your repeated professions of shame, you still kind of enjoyed sleeping with the fat girl.
After a grisly incident next week, specialists will need to use your dental records to identify all your cavities.
The forgiveness of the Lord is nigh-infinite. Unfortunately for you, the “nigh” part seems to include animal mutilation, child vandalism, and personal arson.
Just so you know what to tell the doctor: Separation anxiety is not what you feel when all your major joints are separated.
Your natural abilities will be put to good use when you are chosen by leaders of 12 countries to head the U.N. insecurity Council.
Next thing you know, Old Jed’s a millionaire, but you’ll be damned if you can figure out how he did it.
Your small town will ban all dancing after witnessing your ungainly attempts at that “Ketchup Song” dance.
The stars would love to help you realize your cosmic destiny, but they got their copy of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, and it’s freakin’ awesome.
A soon-to-be-released university study will show that you are less likely to refuse offers of drugs than anyone in the known universe.
You will be surprised by the lack of approval you elicit after saying “Don’t blame me, I voted for Nader.”
Though Boyle’s Third Law is certainly important, you don’t need to apply it to every situation you encounter.
The judge will declare a mistrial in your capital-murder case, not for any legal reason but out of a desire to listen to Lou Reed’s
