The stars are flattered you asked, but your future can only be read in steaming-fresh sheep entrails.
Explorers will finally find the long lost city of Atlantis this week. All the evidence will point to you.
Excitement and romance are Taurus’ lot this week when, dressed as a high-priced hooker, you infiltrate the Governor’s Ball and get free snacks.
You and your spouse find a good way to bring excitement back into the bedroom. Expect to be pinned down behind the bureau by small arms fire for the next several weeks.
The whimsical unicorn from the back of your denim vest will magically come to life and frame you for counterfeiting.
You will finally find your heart’s desire, but not in your first color choice.
Fewer things in life are as good and pure as you once believed. After Friday, you’ll cross “cute puppies” off your list.
Yet another perfect witchburning will be ruined by the presence of irritating smoke alarms. Consider finding a new apartment.
The courts will finally grant you access to your permanent record, but it contains only a disturbingly complete history of Menudo.
Make a move toward self-improvement this week. Mark the toes of your shoes with a large “L” and “R” as needed.
Your parents will finally admit that your birth was the result of 1974’s most ambitious and controversial 4-H project.
Events will teach you the hard lesson that money is not the most important thing in the world. Nice shoes are.
