Homeowner’s Ring Security Alerts Now Just Texting News Stories About Black-On-Black Crime

ELYRIA, OH—Silencing her phone in frustration after the day’s fourth unprompted alert, local homeowner Delia Reid confirmed Tuesday that her Ring home security camera was now just texting her news stories about Black-on-Black crime. “Nothing at my house has gone wrong at all, but I can’t go 20 minutes without getting a message from my Ring about how it’s a damn shame that African Americans keep attacking one another,” said Reid, who noted that other than one update when her mailman was at the door, she had been sent nothing but Fox News and Breitbart articles about the “carnage” on the South Side of Chicago. “I just wanted to keep an eye on my porch; I don’t need lectures about how we need to stop this lawlessness from spreading to the suburbs. What’s going on in Baltimore is sad, I guess, but I don’t even live there. Although now that I think about it, maybe this has something to do with my neighbor’s bike being stolen last month?”At press time, Reid had reportedly upgraded her security system with indoor cameras and bought a gun.