Holley Mangold

Weightlifting — Dayton, Ohio

Strength: Strength

Special Skills: Lifting, grunting

Childhood: Dealt with bullies by using self-deprecating humor and then beating the shit out of them; often teased in high school for having a brother who played for the Jets

Body Type: Lumpy heap

Favorite hobby: Enjoys lifting many things recreationally

Personal Goal: To eat entire Olympic team




Sample front page of The Onion's DNC paper