History Channel Treating Invention Of Popcorn Like It's Fucking Penicillin

NEW YORK—An in-depth, hour-long History Channel special about the cultivation and manufacture of popcorn reverentially details the origin of the snack food as though it were as fucking miraculous as the discovery of penicillin, sources reported Friday. “It was then that an engineer from Indiana named Frederick Mennen—a quiet, thoughtful man who would later found the Jiffy Pop corporation—conceived the intricately interleaved foil enclosure that would become synonymous with popcorn for most of the 20th century,” a voiceover declared in sober tones befitting a description of how Sir Alexander Fleming saved millions, literally millions, of fucking lives by developing the world’s first antibiotic. “The addition of salt and butter added the final flavorsome coda to Mennen’s masterpiece.” The program was reportedly followed by a rerun of Ancient Aliens, a show that treats extraterrestrial influence on primitive cultures as if it were something that actually happened.