President Joe Biden delivered his second State of the Union address to the nation last night. The Onion looks at the highlights of the president’s speech.
Raised interest rates 0.25% in response to boos
Made repeated, unexplained references to something called “pickle barrel diplomacy”
Remained alive throughout
Threw in a few references from 45 years ago to keep Dianne Feinstein engaged
Gently asked how folks would feel if deadliest Covid strain yet was about to be unleashed
Tried fentanyl to see what all the fuss was about
Light crowd work asking how many victims in the audience tonight
The largest teleprompter font in U.S. history
Surprisingly well-done rap in effort to relate to younger Congress members
Inspired bipartisan hope with speech on America’s unparalleled ability to fail upwards
