God Still Waiting For Humans To Discover Easter Egg Feature Hidden In Cows

THE HEAVENS—Excitedly checking in on Earth to see whether anyone had found His little surprise yet, God reported that as of Monday, He was still waiting for humans to discover the Easter egg feature He hid inside cows on the sixth day of creation. “Aw, man, considering how much beef humans consume, I really thought they’d have found it by now,” said the Almighty, All-Knowing Father, wondering aloud if He had perhaps made the bonus feature too difficult to uncover, since nearly 6,000 years had passed without anyone stumbling upon it, even by accident. “One guy in the third century A.D. got so close, I was up here on the edge of My throne, but he turned away at the last second and missed it. I told him about it a few years later when he got up here, and he lost his shit—couldn’t look at cows the same ever again. It’s super tempting to just point it out to everyone, but the payoff would be a lot more satisfying if humans discovered it themselves! It’s not just for die-hard fans of cows, by the way. Anyone who is familiar with the animal will totally get the reference and find it hilarious. Ah, I’m going to shut up now because I don’t want to spoil it.” God went on to add with a wink that, “Without saying too much,” if He were human, He would check behind the fourth stomach again.