Since buying the New Jersey Nets, Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov has become a media fascination. Onion Sports takes a closer look at the man:
Bought Nets after being impressed by Jayson Williams’ killing ability
Feels that owning an NBA basketball team is good for his cover
We’re just going to go ahead and guess that he has a yacht you could land a helicopter on
Sam Cassell and Mikhail Prokhorov have never been seen in the same place at the same time
May or may not be able to help LeBron James locate his missing family, but what can Mr. James do for him?
Already feels right at home in corrupt New Jersey hellhole
“You like ride in tank? We go for ride in tank! The girls, they also come! Is make fun, yes? Ha!”
Also owns controlling interest in 80 percent of Russia’s nuclear arsenal
Just checked on that yacht and helicopter thing, and sure enough, we called it
Will have no problem dealing with the sports press, as he has had journalists burned alive in their cars before
