Fourth-Grader’s Report On Anacondas Largely Rehashes Established Research

MARANA, AZ—Calling it a clear recapitulation of what other scientific authors had published years or even decades ago, sources confirmed Thursday that local fourth-grader Liam Nicholson’s report on anacondas largely rehashed established research. “While there are some real nuggets of true brilliance, and the illustrations are beautifully done, Liam’s report unfortunately fails to shed new light on the reptile,” said sources, who cast doubts on whether the five-paragraph report on the South American snake species even contained original research. “The scope is there—Liam details the anaconda’s diet, habitat, physiology and extensively—but the aim falls short. Ultimately, the report does little to advance the field of herpetology. At best, it’s a synthesis of pre-existing papers.” At press time, sources contrasted Nicholson’s report with a classmate’s groundbreaking work that found the Bengal tiger possessed the strength to tear a bus in two.