FDA Promises To Fast-Track Cure For Side Effects Of Fast-Tracked Covid Vaccine

WASHINGTON—Declaring that they had already earmarked tens of millions of dollars toward funding the vital medication, the FDA reportedly promised Tuesday to fast-track a cure for the side effects of the fast-tracked Covid-19 vaccine. “Developing a response to address the effects of the accelerated coronavirus vaccine, whatever they end up being, is our number-one priority,” said FDA commissioner Stephen Hahn, adding that the agency planned to bypass phase three testing and get the cure out on the market before the most debilitating side effects of the administration’s Covid-19 vaccine became permanent. “Once we have the initial data in place that tell us whether the coronavirus vaccine causes, for example, profuse vomiting, excruciating pain, or organ failure, we’ll be able to ensure that a cure will be available to Americans shortly after the vaccine. We know how much widespread suffering the coronavirus has caused, and how much widespread suffering a fast-tracked, minimally tested vaccine is likely to cause, so we’re working to keep a cure for the as-yet-unknown side effects a top priority.” FDA officials additionally confirmed they were also preparing to fast-track a cure for the side effects of the fast-tracked cure for the side effects of the coronavirus vaccine.